The Incredible Shrinking Globe

Junior Gong leaves his fortified compound in Johnsvegas every morning and before he hops on the train grabs a copy of the Boston Globe for his morning commute to South Station. This costs him $0.75 and most days it isn't worth the money. He isn't sure the exact date that the Globe morphed into The Lowell Sun but sure enough their sports section today is no better than the local Lowell rag he read as a lad every evening.

The Sunday sports section used to be close to an hour's read in their heyday but now is finished within 15 to 20 minutes tops. During the week you can get through it during a 5 minute shit. Half the time the weekday editions contains as many AP articles as those by Globe columnists. Their so-called Big 4 are simply atrocious and all are well past their prime. Here is my quick rundown of their team:

• Shaughnessy-The only thing consistent about him is that he mails it in on a regular basis. I will actually be very surprised if we don't get an October preview of Detroit vs. Boston in the ALCS this week with the Tigers in town. Detroit has George Romney...we have Mitt. They have Kid Rock, we have Aerosmith. Comerica Tower and the Handcock Tower. Break out the template Dan.
• Ryan-The last interesting thing he had to say was that Joumana Kidd should be slapped. Boorish BC columns and pining away for the 80's NBA to return is no way to ride into the sunset. His bloated ego leads him to believe that his piss is really champagne.
• MacMullan-Great reading for an insomniac but hasn't produced a memorable article in the last several years
• Borges-Continues the fine tradition of plagiarism at the Globe picking up the torch from Mike Barnicle, Patricia Smith and Jeff Jacoby. He has had a major hard on for Belichick every since Bledsoe went down which makes his football articles mostly unbearable.

One of the most amazing things about these 4 is that print isn't even their worst medium. Ever catch any of them on TV?

I do enjoy McCabe on golf, Reiss on football and Blaudschun on horses & the NCAA but none of these talented folks get enough print in my opinion. Until the Globe puts out to pasture the aforementioned dinosaurs Junior Gong will continue to feel cheated most days when he drops down his $0.75.