Thursday, July 30, 2009

Winning = More Facial Hair

Let's face it folks (pun intended), the Red Sox don't have enough facial hair to win right now. It is scientific fact:

Sports + Facial Hair = Win


Sports + Retro Facial Hair = More Winning

Year after year in the NHL who wins Lord Stanley's Cup? That's right, the best playoff beard, how else can one come to grips with the Ducks winning the trophy? (Image Courtesy of

Don't believe me? OK, let's look at the NBA. The only year Lebron has made the finals what did he grow...that's right, the infamous neck beard (Image Courtesy of

Let's get to baseball and all I need to tell you is that watching the Cardinals/Dodgers game last night I saw something remarkable, well two things. First is that Julio Lugo is something like 12-18 since being traded to the Cards...I mean, that is just staggering.

Asked why the sudden turn around Lugo pointed across the locker room and said simply, "Rick Ankiel's Mustache" and thusly I saw remarkable item number two. (Image Courtesy of, and Lugo didn't actually say the above quote, but he should.)

The Cardinals just swept the best team in baseball, including a walk-off 15 inning win last night. Do you need anymore evidence that the Red Sox need to go Johnny Damon/Kevin Millar and throw out all the razors in the clubhouse?

And please note that the facial hair corollary also works in reverse when said facial hair has been on said face for too long and a slump ensues:


Tim Walker said...

This could be the greatest post in BigP history. I am in awe.

Aaron_Strout said...

Tim is right. Kyle has outdone himself. I am bowing in awe.

Bryan Person said...

Is that *really* Ankiel's 'stache? Horrific!

KFFBOS said...

Oh yes, that is the real thing Bryan and don't think I'm not growing mine out as we speak.