Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Washington Post's STYLE Invitational

Thanks to my Aunt Karen for forwarding these...

In case you missed it, here is the Washington Post's Style Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. (and also apparently doesn't really exist):

The winners are:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an ah.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation a bout yourself for the purpose of getting lucky
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee! intravenously when you are running late.
10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
12. Karmageddon: It's when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes, and it's a serious bummer.
13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you
14. Glibido: All talk and no action.
15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosqui t o, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.
2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.
6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.
8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.
11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.
12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.


Anonymous said...

How about

polutician - a public official that expounds unhealthy amounts of hot air.


furnitour - the two hours in which you wander around Ikea searching for a Leksvik table.

Aaron Strout said...

Great additions!

Anonymous said...

Submitted by Ellen Hecht:

Pillgrimage A trip to the pharmacy.

Maninfestation The appearance of bugs.

Integrater Where you put the cheese.

Recooperation The repairing of a chicken’s enclosure.

Magnifly The sequel to the horror movie.

Indemnifly To hold insects harmless.

Condomn to disapprove of the use of contraceptives.

Condome to approve of the use of contraceptives.

Micronesia - Microniecia What you call your sister’s little girl.

Anonymous said...

horoscope (n.), instrument used for viewing prostitutes.

geneaology (n.), the study of spirits residing in bottles or lamps.

Submitted by Steve Dallas

Ray said...

Here is a second meaning for one of the words>

testicle, v. - What they give every Elmo to make sure he works.

Anonymous said...

How about correcting the title and offering a link to the Washington Post's STYLE Invitational? http://www.washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational

Aaron_Strout said...

Sorry Anonymous - just saw your comment (got trapped in Blogger's special "spam" folder. Done and done!